First I started with the story that spoke to my heart but can't yet finish because I'm still fighting the characters in my head to sound the way I think they should, and they keep telling me that they know better; then I interrupt it to create the darkest thing I can imagine for my viewpoint character, stroking and stabbing at the fic because it's the first that's going to go up and how dare it not be perfect, and then yesterday, finally, the story that I dashed off in five effortless hours of frenzy that I can't describe any other way than "cozy, fluffy non-con." Oh my god, there is just no other term.
It's exactly the kind of thing I used to dash off in HP fandom, short little non-con pieces with premise rather than plot, that can tuck right into an imagined storyline without creating more than a bump, designed to allow the villain to posture and the story to climax when he does. If mystery fiction has its "cozies," then so does non-con smut. I've decided this, and I've decided it's a trait of mine.
(Default Lucius icon, honey? You stay right where you are, for the moment. Trust me, this is homage.)
And it's a gift for my best guy. When I fell into HP fandom I forced him to come with me, and, guys, this is the man who dealt with his girlfriend's (me) conversion to male/male fantasy fodder all those years ago and has indulged it nonstop every, every day, because he loves me and he's the greatest thing ever. And I haven't even had to drag him into Avengers; he's fallen for the fandom nearly as hard as I have. Before I leap full force into the slash that beckons, I'm so glad I could write him some non-con het as a tiny thank you.
Conversation which inspired this:
Me: Hey, sweetie, check out this fandomsecret. It's WONDERFUL. This person confessed that she fell really hard for Loki in the film, and she and her husband roleplayed Natasha/Loki all day and it ended with the hottest roleplay non-con sex imaginable.
S.O.: Oh, my god. That's beautiful. That's so US.
Me: You like that idea? That pairing?
S.O.: Are you KIDDING?
Me: ...wait, wait, I'm getting the premise! Let me call you back!
So, yeah, going to be staggering about on reduced sleep again today. And HE LIKED IT. *hugs S.O. to death* I love you, sweetheart.
The other joy of dashing this off is that it proved to me that, yes, my Loki has a voice, and there's no point in fighting it to be anything else right now; if I want that voice to be different it will come in time. It's not astolat's Loki (but, I have to face it, no one else's is, oh, god, why can't I write like that, Revelations is KILLING me, just slaying me dead with the beauty), whose Loki-voice I would give years off my life to be able to write, but he's my Loki, and at the moment I have to accept that. And I kind of like him, when I do.
Yanno, when I finished seeing the film, I said out loud, "Natasha was terrific. I don't identify with her, I absolutely and completely cannot feel the inside of her head, but she's a great character." So, YEAH, did not expect my first two fics in this fandom to be Natasha-centric, jeebus. And I have to apologize to Clint for making him the damsel in this one. Yes, AGAIN. CLINT I PROMISE YOU YOU WILL ACTUALLY GET TO DO THINGS IN MY FUTURE FICS. NO, REALLY.