Zombies? You're effing kidding me. Well, s**t, guys, you know I hate CNN; is it my fault I've been watching MST3K DVDs all day instead and didn't realize the noise outside wasn't firecrackers? Crap. The NRA-member neighbors are laughing their asses off at me right now, I'm sure, while I sit here rifle-less, counting my soy wax tarts instead and wondering how much damage I could do with those if I lit 'em and threw 'em. I'd have the best-smelling zombies around, anyway.
Screw it. Think I'll spend the apocalypse downloading Harry/Draco smut. Lubricus orificus forever!