Amanuensis (amanuensis1) wrote,

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Squicky drabbles and their meta!

I'm in a meta mood! Last night I had the utterly addictive pleasure of joining drabble night in #knockturn. (They've been having so much creative fun recently I decided I wanted me some of that, too.) It was Squick night, and I hung around for exactly three. (I've seen what followed and let me tell you, I think it may be a good thing that I got out when I did. Because I would have HAD to try 'em, just to prove I could, but now I can still say there are some things I just won't write. For the record 'n' all, y'know. ^_^)

This was the first time I've drabbled under a time limit. It's DIFFERENT. My drabbles are usually written very quickly anyway, yes, but that's because I'll have a burst of inspiration, not because I force myself to do it. So, I thought I'd post the drabbles AND a bit of insight into how my brain worked during the fifteen minutes each was allowed.

First, this was my first time drabbling in #knockturn. You're allowed between 100-150 words, but if you go over 100, it must be in a multiple of 5.

So, I thought, "It's my first time. Let's stick to 100." I'm used to 100 words, can feel when it's approaching, am used to thinking in that length when plotting a drabble.

gmth gave Lucius/Severus, breathplay, as the topic for the first. Fifteen minutes, go. I sat back and thought. Only 15 minutes. Thought I should start writing right away, what with the time limit, just beginning whatever came to mind. Started thinking about something where Lucius was talking to Severus during the act, where, in all the places one would expect to hear Severus respond, there would just be blank ellipsis-marked lines, because Severus was in mid-strangle and couldn't speak. Started writing it.

Hated it after a minute and a half because it didn't feel right to have a dialogue where I was wasting the beautiful opportunity to write in Snape's voice! So I thought, what if we begin with Snape protesting what's being done? Tried to start inserting that in there. Hated it. He sounded panicky, under the indignation. All wrong.

That was the moment that I decided I was doing this incorrectly. The key was not to just start writing, because of the time limit. The key was to take a few minutes and think about the idea from beginning to end, get the story completely, so that it was all there when I started writing.

Notice I still had the roles of Lucius as the aggressor and Severus as the victim. That was just what seemed right to me. So I asked myself, how does Snape feel about this? He doesn't like it. Lucius has multiple kinks and likes to practice them on Snape. Snape endures it because it's part of his role as spy-- aha, I was liking this. I imagined Lucius would use something fetishistic for breathplay, like a pillow; I could see the perfect ivory color of it-- and suddenly the whole thing was THERE.

Here it is:

Some days Severus wishes he wasn't so fastidious. If his bed linens weren't fresh, if his body weren't so well depilated, Lucius wouldn't be so eager for these visits. He doesn't wash his hair quite so often as he might, but Lucius overlooks that little detail, it seems.

But he does not want to change his habits any more than he must. And that is why the sheets smell of lavender, the jar of lubricant opens without any stickiness on the rim, the switches are bundled, and the manacles gleam their steely brilliance. And the silken pillowcase is always pristine.

Realized as I finished that it wasn't particularly graphic! Oh well.

Places where I "worked" in this: About halfway down, I wrote the last line, because I knew what I wanted it to be, and made the paragraph meet up with it. Realized I had four words to go after I finished the bit about the jar, so I had to come up with a kink object and a description of Severus's neat attention to it, all in four words. Tricky! But that was what made it fun.

And I knew I wanted some poetry-moment in here. I can't explain why it was necessary for it to be "steely" rather than just "steel," but I was happy when that word typed itself.

Next drabble: maeglinyedi, James/Peter, necrophilia. Didn't want to work with anything twisty to make it James doing dead Peter, that seemed unnecessary. Needed a setting. No need to dig up James's corpse for this one; Peter would have had the perfect opportunity in the aftermath of Godric's Hollow. Obvious, and so, likely to be chosen by several of us, but I didn't want to fight the instinct that that felt right.

Using the lesson learned, I started by thinking, not writing. This one took shape very quickly. I wanted into Peter's head. I wanted to see what he thought. I wanted...hey, I could do it just like this, couldn't I? I verb, I verb, I verb. I new verb, I new verb, I new verb. Ooh.

And so this came out of me:

I went to the Dark Lord. I went to James and Sirius. I went back to the Dark Lord and told him what he wanted to hear. I went to my house and waited. I went to Godric's Hollow.

I looked at the ruin they had made of it. I looked for my Lord. I looked for the child. I looked for bodies.

I found Lily. I found James.

I took a look at the beauty of his dead face. I took a moment to think about what I had done.

And then I took what I had always wanted.

I liked it. But still wasn't graphic! Honestly. What was wrong with me? ^_^

Again, when I was about halfway done, I wrote the last line. This is a very common pattern for me in drabbles. The short length of it requires me to aim towards something, so that I feel it really is a complete short work.

Stayed for just one more. (Truly, I had told myself I was doing one more and then I had to get offline! It wasn't that the squicks were too squicky. Honestly!) snapetoy gave Harry/Snape, snuff. Well, I wanted Harry bottoming, and in my head that meant that he was also going to be the one to, er, snuff it. But snuff is definitely squicky for me. I didn't want to write anyone enjoying the death of the other, that would just make me a gratuitous icky ol' snuff writer. Not what I wanted for me, anyway. So I could make the death accidental, or it could be one of those oh-no-I-have-to-rape-you-now Snapes, or maybe...ooh, what if it was...a favor?

So, this. And THIS time I swore I would get some degree of graphic in there!

"You endanger all around you."

"Yes." The boy's face slick with tears. Breathing quickening as the thrusts push him into the bed's softness.

"You are more figurehead than human. And you revel in it."

"Yes." Voice cracking, because of the way Snape's thumb is grazing over the head of his cock.

"When you are gone, no one will have to try to protect you any more. And they'll be safe."

He begs: "Do it, please."

A kiss. Snape transfers the poison to the mouth under his.

Keeps some back. Swallows.

Not part of the plan, Potter's eyes say.

Fuck it.

This was another one where I knew the ending line as soon as I got going. Realized I was writing romantic snuff! Fortunately I was not the only one who had done so. See, we're all fluff lovers underneath, no matter how we protest. ^_~

Anyway, thanks for indulging my long-winded meta needs! Go check out the journals of the above for more squicky drabbles; also nimori, sparrohawk, anathdemalfoy, ladynutmeg, themostepotente...(hope I got everyone)
Tags: fic
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